


Revelations

by bisexualsirius



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Marlene McKinnon, Bisexual Sirius Black, Gen, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Sirius Black, and later sirius figures out he's nonbinary, marlene helps sirius figure out he's bi, the marauders are supportive as fuck, there's some benjy/sirius but that isn't the focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26641939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualsirius/pseuds/bisexualsirius
Summary: Sirius looked over, something witty on the tip of his tongue, before faltering. Maybe it was the way that the sunlight filtered through the window to make Benjy’s brown eyes light up, or how when he grinned he had a dimple on his right cheek, but Sirius’ tongue felt heavy in his mouth and he just shrugged lamely in response.Sirius has a crisis after finding himself wanting to snog Benjy Fenwick. Basically, Sirius figures out he's bi and, after showing up to Transfiguration in the girls uniform, figures out that he isn't always a he.
Relationships: Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Benjy Fenwick
Kudos: 12





	Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> Written for bi visibility day. Also on my tumblr (bisexualsirius). Partially inspired by this art: https://gin-draws.tumblr.com/post/167645778635/nopunattempted-i-like-to-think-that-if-sirius

Sirius knew something was off with him while hanging out with Benjy Fenwick. James was busy with quidditch practice, and both Remus and Peter landed themselves in detention after completely buggering up what should have been a simple snack run the night before — served them right for not bringing him back some brownies — so Sirius found himself spending the morning with the Ravenclaw boy. 

They hung out in the library of all places, Benjy trying to finish his Charms essay while Sirius was flicking through his history of magic textbook, trying to get himself to care enough about the giant uprising of 1305 to start his essay, which  _ technically  _ was two days late, but Binns forgot to ask the class for them and no one bothered to remind the ghost so it wasn’t really his fault.

Benjy looked over when he sighed for the millionth time and grinned a little. “You were just bragging that you were the top student in your year, but here you are being defeated by one tiny essay.” 

Sirius looked over, something witty on the tip of his tongue, before faltering. Maybe it was the way that the sunlight filtered through the window to make Benjy’s brown eyes light up, or how when he grinned he had a dimple on his right cheek, but Sirius’ tongue felt heavy in his mouth and he just shrugged lamely in response. 

Thankfully Benjy just raised an eyebrow and let it drop without comment, possibly thinking that flipping through the textbook had made his brain foggy the same way history of magic lectures did. 

The interaction haunted him for the next week and he thanked Merlin and Morgana that the professors started their tirade of assigning extra homework in preparation for the NEWTs, which meant that they couldn’t hang out for a few days while Benjy drowned in the mountain of work.

Sirius thought about it long and hard. He knew something was always a little different about him, but did he fancy blokes? What even  _ qualified  _ as fancying someone? Sure he had thought of people as attractive in passing, but he never really found himself interested in dating. It wasn’t like people didn’t think he was attractive, quite the opposite, it spurred many a rumor about his love life in the past, but he never really had a girlfriend before. Or a boyfriend. He never felt the same way about someone that James felt about Lily, as obnoxious as he was about it.

He needed to  _ talk  _ to someone. Not the boys. He was sure that they’d be alright with the whole maybe-liking-blokes thing but he wasn’t  _ absolutely certain  _ and it would kill him if they reacted badly. He couldn’t get rejected by them, he would never recover. So when Marlene asked if he wanted to work on their potions essay together, he agreed. Partially to try and talk to her about the mess he found himself in, and partially because he missed her; Marlene being friends with Lily, and James being, well,  _ James  _ meant that their friend groups couldn’t quite hang out together without risking someone getting hexed. 

Besides, she was gay, she wouldn’t judge him for being gay too.

So that’s how he found himself lounging on the couch in front of the fireplace in the common room after supper, Marlene swatting at his legs every time he stretched out too much and knocked at the textbook on her lap. Chocolate frog boxes littered the table, sacrificed to fuel their essay writing. He was fiddling with one of the cards — Morgan le Fay  _ again _ — when he mumbled, “I think I might be gay.”

“That’s nice,” Marlene said, scratching her head with her quill, clearly not having heard him properly. 

“ _ Marlene _ .” 

That got her to look up from her parchment. Noticing the look on his face, she closed her textbook, tossing it and her half finished essay aside. Turning to face him properly, she set her head on her knees, brown eyes looking into grey in a way that made Sirius feel like she was picking at the fabric of his very being, pulling the threads apart and examining them thoroughly before weaving them back together. The light from the fireplace flickering in her eyes and casting shadows on her brown skin made her look like she was some ancient all-knowing witch in a play doing just that. It should have made him nervous but Marlene proved time and time again that she wouldn’t hurt him even though she could. Besides, James trusted her and that was enough for him.

She nudged him with her foot, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Hey, what’s up?”

“ I think I fancy Benjy but I don’t know because I don’t really fancy people and it’s confusing because maybe I’m gay and I don’t know how they boys will react and—”

“Oi, slow down a little,” she said. “Take a breath. What were you saying about Benjy?”

He took a deep breath before trying again. “I mean we were just studying together and I looked over and it felt like I had cotton in my mouth. Obviously he’s a good looking guy and I like hanging out with him but I wanna do  _ more  _ than just hang out with him. I wanna take him to Hogsmeade and hold his hand and snog his stupid face when he grins and that fucking dimple shows up,” Sirius ranted, keeping his gaze fixed on the card in his hand. 

“So you fancy blokes.” No question, no judgement. Just a statement.

Sirius shrugged a little, running a hand through his hair. “I mean- I fancy  _ Benjy _ . And Puddlemere’s captain is fit. Guess I do fancy blokes,” he mumbled. “So I’m gay?”

Marlene shrugged a little. “If you just fancy blokes, yeah.”

“Like how you fancy girls.”

She blinked, tilting her head a bit to the side. The corner of her mouth curled up a little and there was an amused glint in her eyes that confused him. “I’m not gay Sirius. Yeah, I fancy girls, but I fancy guys too. Well, I can fancy anyone. Stuff like that doesn’t really factor into who I like all that much.”

It was his turn to tilt his head. He imagined he must look something like Padfoot in that moment, the gears in his head churning. “That’s an option?”

Marlene laughed, but there wasn’t any malice behind it. “Yeah, it is. People aren’t just gay or straight. They aren’t even just boys or girls, though that’s an entirely different conversation. They can be bisexual, like me.”

Sirius nodded a little, thinking it over some more. Marlene watched him, not saying anything as this revelation threw him in for another loop. “I think Benjy Fenwick’s fit the same way I think Angela Wilson is fit.”

“Angela Wilson’s out of your league.”

He laughed, the tension he didn’t even know he was holding in his shoulders melting away, and kicked Marlene gently. “Rude.”

“I’m rude? You kicked me!” she laughed, shaking her head. When their laughter died down a little, she asked, “Would you shag Angela Wilson?”

“Course, she’s stunning.” He set his head in his hand, thinking for a moment. “I liked what you said, that you can fancy anyone. I mean, I’ve fancied girls before, and guys but I never thought it meant anything. I didn’t think you could like both. I’m bi.” It felt good to put a word to how he was feeling, that other people felt like he did and — and it wasn’t  _ wrong _ . 

Marlene smiled, grabbing a chocolate frog from the table and tossing it to him. “Welcome to the club Sirius.”

He caught it easily, smiling a bit. “Thanks Mar. I owe you one.”

“Great, you can help me finish this stupid essay then.”

After cursing Slughorn for assigning the stupid essay at least a hundred times, Marlene and Sirius said their goodbyes and made their way up to their respective dorms once it was finished. Sirius paused outside the dorm, sighing a little as he listened to James and Peter arguing about who ate the last cauldron cake in their collective stash, neither of them suspecting Remus, whom Sirius had seen snatch the cake before going on his prefect rounds yesterday. He knew that they wouldn’t look at him differently and that he could wait to tell them, but he was rubbish at lying to James and they would notice that he was a bumbling mess around Benjy soon enough. Besides, he  _ wanted  _ to tell them, wanted them to help with how to ask Benjy out, wanted to listen to Peter and Remus shoot down all of James’ ideas because they’re too over the top.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped inside. His face must’ve looked serious, because the bickering stopped when James looked at him. “What happened?”

Sirius shook his head as Remus looked up from his book, setting it aside. Kicking off his shoes, he went to sit beside James on his bed, facing the others. “I, uh, I need to talk to you guys. Everything’s fine, it’s just—”

“Never thought I’d see you tongue tied mate,” Peter teased in an attempt to make him feel more comfortable. He gave him a quick smile before running a hand through his hair.

“You can tell us anything you know,” Remus said gently. 

“I know. I’m, well, I’m bi. I’m bi and I’m almost certain I fancy Benjy Fenwick and I really don’t want anything to change between us because you guys are the only family I’ve got and… yeah,” he finished lamely. The dorm was quiet for what felt like ages as what Sirius said sank in and with each passing moment he could feel his heart sinking until—

“We can finally tease him about fancying someone,” James said, bumping his shoulder. “After all the grief you gave me-”

“To be fair, you deserved everything you got Prongs.”

“Oi! Uncalled for Moony!”

Sirius smiled to himself as another round of bickering started, this time between Remus and James. When he finally looked up from his hand, Peter gave him a small smile.

“You know we love you, right? Nothing’s going to change that.”

“I know. Thanks Pete,” he smiled before nodding to the other two. “Right, should we break this up?”

Peter sighed, shaking his head. “I’m not sure we can.”

Sirius smirked a little and quickly said, “Remus ate the last cauldron cake,” just to see the chaos unfold. The result was immediate.

“Moony!”

“I can’t  _ believe  _ this betrayal— I told you I wanted that!”

“How could you Padfoot! They never would have found out if you didn’t say anything!”

The fight lasted well into the night, resulting in a  _ very  _ rushed morning, which was usually fine, but this time it meant that they were sprinting to the Great Hall to snatch whatever they could before booking it to McGonagall’s classroom. 

Once again, that would have been perfectly fine  _ if  _ Sirius didn’t forget that McGonagall had warned him twice before that he would get a detention if he wasn’t wearing his uniform properly.

“Mr. Black, this is the third time in the last two weeks I’ve had to talk to you about the dress code,” McGonagall sighed when he walked in, wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt that the boys had gotten to him for his birthday last year. “I’m afraid you’ll be having detention with me tonight after dinner. If your uniform is not up to code tomorrow, you’ll have detention for the rest of the week, is that clear?”

“Yes professor,” he said, waiting until they sat down before elbowing James, who was barely stifling his laughter. “Shut up.”

“I’m not saying anything—”

“Mr. Potter, please refrain from talking while I’m teaching, unless you wish to join Mr. Black in detention.”

“Sorry professor.”

Sirius smirked at him before paying attention to the lesson, the inklings of a plan forming in his mind.

* * *

“Are you sure about this mate? You could end up with a week’s worth of detention,” James said as they walked to Transfiguration the next day. Sirius shrugged a little.

“Well I’m wearing the uniform properly, it should be fine,” he said, shrugging a little.

“If you get away with this, I’m eating my bloody tie.”

“I’d like to see that,” Remus mumbled to Peter, who chuckled a bit. 

“Where did you even get the uniform?” Peter asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I asked Marlene if she’d loan one of hers to me.”

The three boys walked in ahead of him, Sirius waiting a moment before stepping inside.The usual background chattering before class stopped at the students saw him before McGonagall did. 

The woman turned around and was met with the sight of Sirius wearing the girls uniform. “Mr. Black, what did I say yesterday?”

Sirius shrugged a little. “You just said my uniform had to be up to code… and it is.”

Now, he would swear until the day he died that McGonagall cracked a smile at that before turning to the blackboard to start the lesson. He was already in a good mood after his victory, and Remus and Peter continuously making jokes about James now having to eat his tie, but the thing to push him over the edge happened as they were walking to lunch. 

“Look who’s coming our way,” Remus mumbled, nudging Sirius. 

James raised an eyebrow and looked around before grinning and elbowing Sirius. “Look out lover boy-”

“Lay off James. Come on, both of you walk ahead,” Peter said, pushing Remus and James towards the hall and away from Sirius. He was confused only for a moment more until Benjy came into view.

“Hey Benjy.”

“Hey,” Benjy grinned a little, running a hand through his hair. Curse him and his stupidly cute dimple. “So it’s true.”

“What, the uniform?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. “Does the whole school already know?”

“Well gossip does spread quickly,” he said, shrugging a little. ”I wanted to see if it was true. It’s a good look.”

“Well I do have the legs for it,” Sirius shrugged with a grin, heart skipping a beat. 

Benjy laughed and Sirius could tell that he was absolutely  _ gone  _ for this boy. He’d have to figure out if the Ravenclaw was interested soon, because this was killing him.

“Right, well, I won’t keep you from lunch anymore. I can still sit with you lot for the game, yeah?”

“Course, the boys won’t mind.”

Sirius was in such a good mood afterwards that he didn’t care that the boys were teasing him about the dumb look on his face, or that he got some less-than-friendly looks from some of the students. And if he was being honest, he liked the girls uniform, but there was no time to unpack that. Not when he had to figure out how to ask Benjy out.

* * *

The Christmas holidays were fast approaching and for once, Sirius was excited for them. For starters, he would be going home to the Potters to celebrate as a family. Marlene was going to visit around the same time as Remus and Peter so he’d be able to see all his friends without having to sneak out of his bedroom window. 

Oh, and he and Benjy had been dating for three weeks now. So yeah, things were going  _ very  _ well for him. 

But the uniform incident was still stuck in his head.

“Sometimes I wish I would wear girl clothes,” Sirius mumbled as he laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was two days until they were going home for the holidays, so the boys were all in the dorm, packing their things. Well, all of them except Sirius.

“You can if you want,” Remus said, glancing up from his trunk.

“And we’ll hex anyone who’s an arse about it,” James added. 

“No, I mean it’s more than that,” he sighed, frustrated with himself and trying to figure out how to say what he was feeling. “Sometimes I feel like, well, like a girl, but sometimes I feel like a boy, and then sometimes I don’t feel like  _ either _ , that I’m just me and — nevermind, this is dumb.” 

Sirius pushed himself up and, ignoring the calls of his friends, went for a walk to get rid of his pent up energy. The boys didn’t talk about his outburst earlier and Sirius appreciated it. James chucked Benjy’s scarf at his head to remind Sirius to pack it and everything was forgotten.

Well, he  _ thought _ everything was forgotten.

He knew something was up when James hovered at his door after Christmas dinner, fidgeting like he did when he was hiding something. Sirius raised an eyebrow, looking up from his magazine about motorbikes they’d picked up during their last trip into town. “You can come in Jamie, no need to look like I’m going to toss you out.”

“Right, sorry,” James said, coming to sit on the bed with him, hiding something behind his back. “Mum and Dad are gonna call us down to open presents once the rasmalai is done, but I wanted to talk to you first.”

“Okay,” he said slowly, looking at him carefully. James was never this unsure and it was starting to worry him. “Mate, if something’s wrong, you can talk to me, okay?”

“Yeah! I mean, no, everything’s fine with me, I just needed to— ugh,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, making it stick up in all directions, looking much too stressed for someone wearing snitch pajama pants. “Remember what we were talking about before the holidays?”

Sirius furrowed his brow a little before realizing what he was talking about and nodding a little. “It was nothing Jamie, don’t worry about it—”

“No, it was obviously important to you,” he cut across, shaking his head. “The boys and I did some research and think that what you were talking about sounds like being nonbinary. Like, your gender changes and your pronouns change— or maybe not! And— fuck, Moony would’ve been better at explaining this,” he muttered. “But does that sound right?”

Slowly Sirius nodded a little as he thought about it more. “Yeah. I mean, most days I just feel like me, y’know? I don’t really think about myself as a boy or a girl until I do and, well, I don’t know.”

“Right. Would you maybe want to go by, shit, what did Moony day? Oh! By they/them pronouns instead of he/him?”

“Sometimes.”

“Okay,” James said before shoving a box into Sirius’ hands. “It’s from all of us. I figured you might want to open this up here.”

Sirius just raised an eyebrow at him before looking down at the box. It was small, which meant it was probably another ring to add to his collection. Opening it, he found a black ring with a clear stone set into it. “It’s a ring.”

“Put it on.”

“Alright, pushy,” he teased a little, sliding it on. It was a perfect fit of course; the boys probably nicked one of his to make sure it was the right size. “It’s nice, thanks mate.”

“Hold on, it’s special. Think about what you want to be called.”

He raised an eyebrow, but did just that. As he did, the clear stone turned red, like a ruby. All he could manage to say was, “What?”

“We enchanted it. Red is they/them, blue is he/him, and purple is she/her,” James explained quickly. “This way we don’t have to bother you all the time asking what you want to go by. We made a bunch of little cards that explain it too, so you can give them to other people without repeating yourself—”

Sirius cut him off by pulling him into a hug, smiling into his shoulder. “Thanks Jamie, it’s perfect. Remind me to thank the boys when they come over.”

James smiled and hugged them back. “Course mate, you’re family. We’d do anything for you. And if you want, we can go to Diagon Alley this week and get you another uniform. My parents are gonna be supportive, so don’t worry about that.”

“I’d like that.”

* * *

Sirius made their way to McGonagall’s office the first evening they were back from the holiday break, knocking lightly. They let out a breath when she said, “Come in,” and stepped inside. 

Now that they were here, doubt was starting to creep in. What if McGonagall thought this was all a lie? Or that they were being dramatic, or that this was a phase? Sure, the boys, the Potters, Marlene, and Benjy all took it well, but this was different.

“Ah, Mr. Black. Sit, have a biscuit,” McGonagall said when they stepped inside. Setting her work aside, she looked at Sirius while they sat down, noting that they were once again wearing the girls uniform. “What can I do for you?”

Sirius fiddled with their ring for a moment, trying to figure out how to start. “Well, I figured out over the break that I’m nonbinary and sometimes I have different pronouns. James, Remus, and Peter enchanted this ring to change colours based on what I want to be called. Here,” they said, handing one of the cards the boys made to her.

“I see,” she said, looking at the card before looking at their ring. “I’ll make sure all the professors are notified. If you run into any trouble, you come straight to me, understand?”

Sirius couldn’t hold back the grin that spread on their face. “Of course. Thank you professor.”

McGonagall waved off the thanks. “Now, take another biscuit and head to your dorms. You have my class first thing in the morning and I expect you to be on time.”

“Yes ma’am.”

When Sirius showed up the next morning and said, “Good morning professor,” they weren’t sure what to expect. They didn’t exactly want to be called Mr. or Ms. Black, but what else would she call them?

McGonagall took a moment to look at their ring before responding “Good morning Sirius. Make sure Mr. Potter doesn’t fall asleep in my class, will you? It looks as if he’s already drifting off.”

Sirius grinned a little and nodded. “Of course professor.”

**Author's Note:**

> send me prompts at https://bisexualsirius.tumblr.com/


End file.
